Thursday, October 28, 2010

The "Dreaded" Talk

Hello, Hello!!! Here I am! Slowly, but surely! That's my life statement. It seems to describe me very well. Well, of course, we have been really busy since my last post. It seems like when school starts and Fall begins, there's one thing after another for us to do. I know you can relate if you have kids. Seth is playing football on Saturday mornings, practice on week nights (sometimes 2 nights a week...yea we're a little serious about our football even at 6 years old, haha), and church on Sundays & Wednesday nights. Also, in August I began planning a surprise 40th birthday party for my husband, Jerry. He turned 40 on October 9th and I just had to surprise him with this party. He is a really big prankster and pulls things on everybody all of the time. So, needless to say, it was his turn & we got him good. It was so neat. I chose an 80's theme since his teenage years were during that time. He loves the 80's, especially the music. I'll share more about that on another day. I have also finished some projects that I'm going to share later (yea, I know, I promise I will).
In my last post, I told a little about my time in the hospital before I was transferred to the rehabilitation center. Basically, for two weeks I laid in the bed with sand bags on both sides of my head and waited. I will never forget the day the doctor came in to talk to me while lying there in the bed. He took my right arm and hand and asked me to try to move it. After I tried a few times, I still could not move it at all. He said, Try one more time." I tried so hard to move it again and again. After I stopped grunting and making a horrible face trying so hard to move it, my arm and hand just laid there limp and still. There was not even a twitch of movement in the least in any part of my arm or hand. I remember my parents & family all standing around my bed anxiously watching and waiting for my arm to start moving. I can not imagine how my parents must have felt standing there watching this and wanting so badly to "fix it" or do it for me. I know if there was any possible way they could have or even taken my place, they would have in a second. I realize these things now that I have a child of my own.
My arm & hand never moved on that day and I suppose the doctor decided that was the day he would have the "dreaded" talk with me. Actually, he did most of the talking. This was the first time I remember anyone telling me exactly what happened to me in the car accident. He told me about my injury, explaining how my spinal cord was mashed and how that affected my body. He then began to tell me that was the reason I could not move my arms, hands, legs, & feet, actually my entire body from my shoulders down. He said I was paralyzed from the injury and would never be able to walk or move my arms or hands. He said he was sorry to have to tell me this, but that this is the way it would be for the rest of my life. I laid there and listened to everything he said, along with my family by my side. I just kept thinking to myself, "How can he say these things when he doesn't really know what is going to happen later? God is the only one that knows whether I will walk again or not. He is the only one that knows if I will ever be able to move my arms or hands or not. How can he say this? He doesn't know what he's talking about. Then I remember thinking, I'll show you. God is in control, not you. God is going to help me through this and help me get better. I thought God is not going to leave me lying here like this. He's going to help me get up & get going! Somewhere deep inside me I knew this was not it, things would not be like this for the rest of my life.
When the doctor finished talking, I remember looking at him and saying "Oh yes I will, I will walk again and move my arms and hands again one day." He just looked at me and said he hoped I did. My parents have always said the doctor just didn't know how hardheaded I am. Now, I say my hardheadedness and God's Will make a great team. The whole way through it seems I was just so determined to prove that all of the doctors were wrong about my prognosis. For the most part they were wrong, because God is always in control! I have proved them wrong, but not without God's help. I give all Glory to God!!! This reminds me of my favorite verse "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
I realize that everyone does not believe in miracles, but I sure do. My life is proof that miracles do happen. God loves me so much I have had two miracles in my life. I am referring to my recovery from the accident (Now, I can move both legs, my right arm & hand and I can walk some with minimal assistance!) and my little boy Seth who has touched my life in so many ways. I believe we all receive miracles in our lives, sometimes we just don't open our eyes wide enough to see them.
Over the past few weeks, I have been looking at and reading through my cards & letters I received while I was in the hospital & rehab. Yes, I kept all of them! I have not counted them, but I received several each day during my six month stay. I was so blessed to have some many people praying & caring for me. I thank each & every person who sent me a card during those hard times. I would look forward to the mail being delivered everyday to see who had sent me a card. They were all so encouraging & uplifting. Since I am still going through them, I am planning to tell you about them in some later posts. I am enjoying reading them, however they bring back a lot of memories. I would say it is a "bitter sweet" experience.:)
I hope you are enjoying the posts about my life. I was not sure how I would handle writing about everything that has happened, but I have actually enjoyed it. It's just one way I can show others how great our God is. No matter what, He loves us more than we can ever know or understand. I'll be back later to tell you more about my amazing, miraculous life.